He fixed his tie fitted to his
neck. Chris smiled a faint smile. Tears in his eyes. All of their memories
flashed before him. The love of his life, Rachel soon to be in a white dress.
He wondered if she was nervous. Well she has to be he thought it’s her wedding
day.
Rachel slipped into her wedding
gown. Tears filled in her crystal eyes.
She thought of her fiancée, future husband. She was happy, genuinely
happy. She couldn’t wait to be his wife.
The church started to fill up and
Chris made his way in. He was anxious.
It was time. The bride was on her
way to the rest of her life. But there was a delay. A shock of confusion came
to everyone’s face. Where was Rachel?
Rachel stood crying. She didn’t
even know why. Everything was overwhelming. So many thoughts were circling
through her mind. She was questioning her own decisions. Was she even marrying
the right guy? Finally she pulled herself together and made her way down to the
doors.
She smiled a fake smile and looked
around as she walked down the aisle of her family’s church. Suddenly she locked
eyes with Chris. So much emotion in each of their eyes. It was inevitable.
Rachel made her way up to the
Pastor. She looked sick. She was forcing the look of happiness and failing
miserably.
Chris felt ill. A sudden rush of
fire came from the tips of his toes to the fine ends of his dark hair. Rachel
the love of his life, his best friend, his one true love was marrying someone else. He couldn’t handle it. To hear her
say ‘ I do’ and to be so in love with her was unbearable. He didn’t want to
believe that she felt this way about someone else.
He felt like his world was crashing
down upon him. This whole time it didn’t feel real to him. He always thought
that he could get Rachel back after the terrible mistake he made. But he
didn’t. Suddenly right there in that church, everything became clear. He was
never going to get Rachel back. Rachel was getting MARRIED! She didn’t want to
be with him and at that moment he finally came to that realization.
He stood up
reluctantly. All eyes turned back to him. Chris just turned and walked out of
the church. That took everything he had but he did it. He just wished that he
could talk to Rachel and tell her his true feelings. Maybe then she would
listen.
He stood
outside on the church steps. Hoping by any slight chance that she would come
after him. But of coarse she didn’t.
Inside
Rachel was in utter shock. When she saw Chris she felt something. She wasn’t sure
if it was sympathy or pity. Chris had cheated her 4 years prior and she couldn’t
forgive him for that. He never got over her though. He seemed to have gone
crazy. The whole town knew it. He got kicked out of his apartment and he turned
to alcohol and drugs for all of his problems. Rachel felt bad but he did it to himself.
This is fab. I like how vague the beginning is, specifically so the reader can't tell who's really getting married. This, of course, made the twist more gut-wrenching when I realized I was attached to the Chris-Rachel marriage story. I also like your use of short, choppy sentences. I feel like I'm being spoken to! There are a few punctuation/grammar mistakes, but they don't take away from my understanding of the story. I'd advise you to keep an eye on those little things, though. They can mean a whole lot in writing. Keep it up!
ReplyDelete19/20
I like the beginning and how you used the different perspectives.
ReplyDeleteYour details were really concrete.
I love how you start off the beginning of the story. its very interesting i love how you put it together.
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